


All You Want is for Somebody to Find You

by bakanekofan



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety Attacks, Awkwardness, Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-01-04 04:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakanekofan/pseuds/bakanekofan
Summary: Michael goes on a trip to visit family over winter break while Jeremy is Squipped, and ends up making a new friend who reminds him an awful lot of home, and, maybe projecting a bit, their relationship quickly progresses past the friendship stage because it's what they both needed at the time, but that doesn't mean he won't drop everything to be there for Jeremy during the play, and when Jeremy actually starts to imply that he might have feelings for Michael? Things get wild.





	1. A First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I just want to give a few disclaimers and warnings. Numero uno is: please do not expect this to be totally canon on the DEH end. BMC I'm familiar and comfortable enough with to say I know what I'm doing, DEH? Not so much, and there's a reason for that. I got into the fandom specifically because of AO3 crossovers between BMC and DEH and I'm refusing to actually witness the full musical because of headcanons. I love the headcanon-Evan I've created and I have a feeling, just based off of songs and synopses of the musical, that I would not love him so much if I were to actually try to see the musical. Just listening to the songs, I can pretend I didn't hear the parts I don't like, where he's using Connor's memory to further his own goals- none of that ever happened in my own happy little brain-space. So, as I said, don't expect it to be perfectly canon compliant.
> 
> That said, number two, I do TRY to keep it somewhat canon compliant. This fic starts basically in the middle of what would be the BMC timeline. Most school plays don't happen until spring, so I'm basically saying "there was time between Halloween and the play" for this chain of events to occur. On the BMC end, the events will play out almost identically to the musical's. On the DEH end, things will be different. DEH, the musical hasn't happened yet. Senior year for them is the same as senior year for the BMC kids, so it won't be until the summer that Evan breaks his arm and the whole chain of events with Connor kicks off, if that ever happens. I'm not going to say because I don't want to spoil what actually does happen, and I'm not quite decided on how exactly it's going to go. Just know that Michael and Jeremy end up together and Connor and Evan end up together and it's very much a happy-ever-after for everyone involved. (At least that's my plan at this time, sometimes my brain and my fingers have disputes. See my BMC fic "Rest Peacefully Now, Though I Never Will Again" if you need evidence of this. That was raw.
> 
> Third, I know I'm supposed to be working on other things but this is what's been on my mind lately and it's my birthday so I want to start putting it out there because I feel like it. I'm still working on other stuff, just... Everything is moving in slow motion right now.
> 
> Fourth, I know it's TECHNICALLY canon that Michael has two moms but I'm in denial because I don't like the "everyone is gay" trope. Yes we need more representation, but making it the WHOLE cast just makes it unrealistic. Some characters are gay. Some characters are straight. Some characters are bi/demi/ace/trans/fluid/whatEVER, but there are also hetero cis people. They do exist in the real world and this should also be reflected in media. Not everyone is gay. Not everyone is straight. Believe it or not, it IS possible to create content that doesn't turn one group or the other into unicorns. (I'm highly opinionated, especially on the "making cis characters trans" front. Being trans myself, I hate when people do that, especially fetishizing it, but also just in general because... why would you do that? I'm not going to go into it right now but just... Please stop.)
> 
> Finally, there may be some triggering content. I'm pretty bad with giving warnings about potentially triggering content, but I'm trying to do better. This chapter includes panic/anxiety attacks and there will probably be more of those in future chapters just based on the cast, and at present I am planning on having suicidal thoughts/tendencies being part of this down the road, at the moment I don't have any other triggers in mind but that might change. Just stay safe guys, and if you're still reading these notes... Kudos.

After what had been the worst Thanksgiving ever, following the worst Halloween ever, the worst Chranukkah ever was on the horizon. Normally, winter break was full of fun- he and Jeremy would alternate between the Heere and Mell houses and spend every day and night together, celebrating Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s, but those days, it seemed, were long gone. Jeremy never talked to Michael anymore, or even looked at him. If he ever spared a glance in Michael’s direction, his gaze pierced right through him. “Optic Nerve Blocking,” it was called. “Michael?” His mother knocked once before opening the door to his room, where he was lounging on his bed, staring at an old picture of himself and Jeremy that had somehow found it’s way into his hands. He glanced up at her as she paused, and the heartbroken expression she wore almost matched how he felt. Almost. “Michael, I know you’re going through a hard time right now,” She soothed, removing the frame from his hands and placing it facedown on the nightstand. He allowed this as she continued, “I know you miss him and I know nothing will ever replace the bond you two had, but he’s moved on, sweetheart, and it’s time you did the same.” An uncomfortable silence fell between them and although they went unspoken, Michael was quite certain his mother could hear his internal cries of protest. “You know, Christmas is coming up. Christmas break?” Michael continued to stare blankly at the spot where the photo had been. “I think it would be good for you to start a new tradition. Make new memories. You remember your cousin Mary, don’t you?”

This name got his attention, as he did, in fact, remember her. She was six years older and was single-handedly responsible for getting him into weed, which he had come to lean so heavily upon since Jeremy started ignoring him. It helped, though not enough. “Yeah?”

“She just got her own apartment recently up in Rochester, New York, but she doesn’t have any family up there, and she hasn’t had time to make friends yet, so she’s going to be alone over the holidays. She has a spare room for when family visits, though, so I was thinking maybe you could go stay with her over break? I’ve already spoken with her and she said she’d love to have you.”

Finally turning his full attention to his mother, Michael asked, “What about you?”

She frowned a bit and said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I need to stay for work. You know the year-end crunch is always the worst. Even if you stayed I wouldn’t be much fun.”

Michael nodded, knowing this was true. He still didn’t really want to go. Part of him wanted to stay, just in case Jeremy somehow, miraculously, came around over break. Realistically, though, what were the odds of that? If he went, at least it would get his mom off his back about trying to move on for a while, and as company went, he could do worse than Mary. “I guess I’ll go.”

Smiling, she kissed his forehead and asked gently, “Are you going to be alright flying by yourself? It would be easier than driving.” Michael nodded in response and she squeezed his shoulder, “Alright. Pack warm clothes and don’t forget toothbrush and toothpaste. I’ll go call Mary.”

The days leading up to the trip and traveling to Rochester had been relatively uneventful. Michael had slept through the flight, and was still mostly asleep when Mary greeted him and helped him at the baggage claim. She was pretty much the same as he remembered, which was unfortunate because appearance-wise, she reminded him a lot of Christine, the object of Jeremy’s desire. Not something he wanted to dwell on, but at least she and Michael had similar interests, if the drive to her apartment accompanied by Bob Marley was any indication. She didn’t ask about Jeremy or even bring him up, though they had met in the past and Michael was sure his mom mentioned him when they spoke. Instead, after he’d gotten all of his luggage situated in what would be his room for the next two weeks, she knocked on the open doorway and asked, “Hey, you still smoke?”

“Depends why you’re asking.” Michael replied with a cheeky grin, “If you’re going to report to my mom, the answer is ‘no, I just burn incense to relax.’”

Mary snorted, “Well, turns out my complex has a pretty rigid no-tolerance policy on ‘incense’ so…” She held up an unmistakable clear Ziploc bag filled with pre-rolled blunts, “Wanna go to the park?”

“In the middle of the day?” Michael asked, staring incredulously at her.

She shrugged, “Only illegal if you get caught. Besides, how many people are you expecting to run into in Ellison Park in the middle of winter? We’ll be fine.”

A short drive later, they were at the park, wandering aimlessly in search of a nice, secluded area to smoke. Michael was about to point out a spot when Mary grabbed his arm, pointing in the opposite direction, “What the hell is that guy doing?”

He followed her gaze to someone who was crouching in the snow, hands tugging at short, blonde hair and face buried in his knees. It was a position he knew well. Mary forgotten, Michael jogged over to him, crouching with him. Seeming to sense that his personal space had been invaded, the boy looked up to Michael and scrambled backwards, breathing laboured and eyes wild. Michael held up both hands, “No judgement,” He said gently, “I’m not gonna hurt you. You know 5-4-3-2-1?” The boy nodded slowly in response. “Okay, five things you can see.”

Taking a breath, he tried, “S-sky, trees, snow, hoodie, glasses.”

“Four things you can feel.”

“Snow, wind, phone, shirt.”

“Three things you can hear.”

“Wind, you, the tree branches.”

“Two things you can smell.”

The boy wrinkled his nose then, “Skunk and old gym socks?”

Michael chuckled, “Technically that’s one, and it’s called marijuana, but I’ll let it pass. One thing you can taste.”

“Toothpaste.”

Smiling, Michael asked, “You okay to stand?” The boy, who Michael was coming to realize must have been around his age, nodded, and both stood up, “Okay, let’s just… walk for a little, okay? Get away from the situation.” The boy nodded, and the pair walked together, Mary trailing awkwardly behind them, watching.

Eventually, the boy asked, “How are you so good at that?”

“My best friend-” Michael’s expression faltered, “Well… Ex-best friend, I guess… He has a lot of trouble with anxiety. I kinda took it on myself to learn a bunch of coping mechanisms to help him when he has attacks. Those and physical contact work best for him, but I thought it might make it worse if a stranger just walked up and started hugging you.”

“Good thinking there.” The boy laughed breathily before looking at Michael again, “How come I’ve never seen you at school? N-not to pry or anything, just I’veneverseenyouaroundand-”

“It’s okay!” Michael assured him, “I’m not from around here. I’m visiting my cousin, I’m from New Jersey.”

“O-oh…” In their wandering, they had come to a covered pavilion with picnic tables, and Michael took a seat at one, the boy joining him shortly after, worrying the hem of his shirt. “Well… You’re really good at that, so… Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it. What were you doing out here, anyway? Not sure if you noticed, but it’s kinda the middle of winter.” Michael asked with only the gentlest of teases.

The boy fidgeted then, looking down, “You’ll think I’m weird.”

“Dude,  _ I’m _ weird. I buy vintage soda in back rooms and carry around a walkman.” Michael offered with a grin.

“I was just… taking pictures of trees. We had f-freezing rain last night and the way the branches sparkle in the sun is so pretty so…” He hung his head, obviously embarrassed.

Michael looked out to the trees, up in the branches, and the boy definitely had a point. “Huh. I didn’t even notice that.” He admitted, staring at the twinkling reflected light, “That is pretty.” Returning his attention to the boy, who was staring at him as if in disbelief that someone else thought anything he liked was cool, he offered a smile and held out his hand, “Guess I never introduced myself. Michael Mell.”

“E-Evan Hansen.” Evan replied, hesitantly shaking Michael’s hand before immediately drawing his hand back, “Sorrymyhandsaresweatyandthatwasgrossand-”

“ _ Evan. _ ” Michael cut in, “You’re fine.”

A silence fell between them for a moment before Evan’s gaze wandered to Michael’s hoodie, more specifically, the patches on it. Michael turned slightly so he could see them better and finally, Evan filled the silence in what was probably the most awkward way possible, “You- you um…” He pointed to the pride patch.

“Hella gay, yes.” Michael conveyed with a snort, though he wrinkled his nose after, “That’s not a problem, is it?”

“N-no! I’m… I’m pretty sure- no, I  _ am _ bi.” Evan forced out, “I just… Can’t talk about it, you know, ‘cause my school already thinks I’m a freak with my anxiety, I don’t need one more thing to make me stand out.”

Michael shrugged, “I guess that’s where we’re different.” He said softly, “Thing is, I’m okay with it. I’m not cool, and I never will be. I  _ own _ that. Other people can think whatever they want about me, I’m doing what makes me happy and living my own best life. All you need is one great friend and-” There was that forbidden subject again. Michael’s gaze fell as he finished quietly, “Makes life worth living.”

“I only have one friend, and I wouldn’t call him great.” Evan said quietly, “Jared, he always prefixes the word ‘friend’ with ‘family.’ I’m not his friend, just his ‘family friend,’ and he only hangs around with me because our moms are friends and his mom won’t pay his car insurance if he’s not hanging out with me.”

“I don’t have any, anymore.” Michael confessed. “I had a friend, Jeremy. We were best friends for twelve years, we did everything together. There are a lot of uncertainties in life, you know? But I always thought Jeremy would be the one thing that was a constant for me. The one I’d never lose, and now… It’s like I don’t even exist to him anymore.”

Concerned, Evan asked, “What happened?” Which, of course, he quickly followed with, “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that, just you looked sad and like maybe you wanted to talk about-”

“It’s alright, Evan.” Michael assured him with a shaky breath. “Jeremy… He got this crush on a girl in our school, and he’s completely obsessed with her. He’d do anything to get with her, so he spent a crapload of money to get an artificial voice implanted in his brain that tells him how to be ‘cool.’ He’s not Jeremy anymore. He’s an empty shell that looks and sounds like Jeremy but he doesn’t talk like him, walk like him, dress like him, act like him, like any of the same things he likes… And part of making him cool was getting him to ditch me. I’m unapologetically uncool by nature and he can’t have me ruining his ‘image.’ He doesn’t talk to me anymore. He can’t even see me. The thing in his head does this trick with his brain where it blocks out things it doesn’t want Jeremy to see, and I’m one of them. The one time he did see me, when it was off, he got mad at me because I tried to warn him how dangerous it was, I tried to talk him into getting rid of it. He said I was just jealous and called me a loser, left me alone, crying in a bathroom at a party I wasn’t invited to that I’d snuck into just to talk to him. Didn’t help that the house caught fire after that, but that’s beside the point.” 

Alarmed by this, Evan, being the son of a nurse, went into an immediate health-related rant, “You were in a house fire? Are you okay? Smoke inhalation-”

“I’m fine. I got checked out at the hospital, minor inhalation, they were more concerned with the cuts on my arms from breaking through a window.” Michael assured him, scratching idly at the streaks on his arms, though they weren’t visible through his hoodie. If he were being honest with himself, not all of those had been from broken glass. “Apparently it was the guy who turned Jeremy on to the artificial voice that did it. Probably made him crazy. My Warcraft buddy said his brother had one and he’s in a mental ward. Went crazy trying to get the thing out… It’s probably what happened to Rich, and probably where Jeremy’s headed.” He sighed wearily, “Anyway, you ready to tell me what happened earlier?”

Evan winced, “It’s… It’s stupid.” He mumbled.

“Anxiety generally is.” Michael agreed, “But it happens and ya just gotta deal with it. Like I said, no judgements here, I just want to help.”

“My phone battery was low.” Evan eventually mumbled, “And I was afraid if I didn’t make it back home before it ran out and my mom tried to call me, she’d freak out and then there would be a missing person investigation and it would be all over the news and the school would hear about it and-”

“I get it,” Michael interrupted, “How’s your phone now?”

Evan bit his lip, pulling the device out to check before replying, “...Dead.”

Immediately, Michael offered a solution, pulling his own phone out of his pocket, “You know her number? You can call or text her from my phone, just make sure you let her know it’s you.” He didn’t bother mentioning how irrational Evan’s worries were, that’s just the thing about anxiety: logical thinking rarely plays a part in those thought processes, and oftentimes trying to see things logically can only build frustration, because even when you do understand the flaws in your thought processes, you can’t quite seem to pull yourself out of them, and your own inability to see reason gets under your skin. Fine, so maybe Jeremy wasn’t the only one with anxiety.

Nodding thankfully, Evan took Michael’s phone with several fumbled “thank yous” as he sent a message off to his mom. It was short, just telling her where he was, that he was safe and borrowing a kind stranger’s phone as his was dead, and that he would be home soon before handing it back to Michael. Relief flooded the boy’s features as he slumped against the table.

Smiling, Michael asked, “Better?”

“Much. Thank you, Michael, for everything.” Evan said, looking up at him from where his face currently rested against the table, “But… Why are you being so nice to me? I just don’t get it.”

“I do that. Sometimes even when I probably shouldn’t.” Michael replied with a sigh, “I just think, like, if that were Jeremy, and I weren’t immediately beside him to do it myself, I’d want someone to help him.”

Evan frowned then, “Even after all he did?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Michael affirmed, “Well… Yeah. A few months of being a shit friend doesn’t erase twelve years of history, and it’s not always him being the shitty one, it’s usually the head-voice.” He was intentionally not giving away the name of the device, simply to make it harder for Evan, who seemed like the type of guy who might be interested in a Squip, to find one. That was the last thing he needed. “Anyway, you should get home and charge your phone. Take care of yourself, Evan.”

“I should,” Evan agreed, “Thanks again, Michael, and you too.” With this, Evan eventually pushed himself up and left, Mary taking over his seat at the table.

“What the hell was that?” She questioned, amused.

Michael shrugged, a rather forlorn expression gracing his features as he looked to his cousin, “Think I’m about ready for that hit now.”

“I’d say you are.” Mary agreed, pulling out one of the blunts and lighting it.

For a time, they passed it between them, gradually starting to wind down as the herb settled into their systems, and as Michael relaxed, so did his lips, “He kinda reminds me of Jeremy.”

“Yeah? You talk about Jeremy a lot.” Mary commented idly.

“Of course I do. He’s my best friend, my player two… I just wish that were still true.” Michael flicked the ashes off of the blunt, annoyed.

Raising a brow, Mary asked, “How much of that was true? About the head-voice shit?”

“All of it, unfortunately.” Michael groaned, “Fuckin’ Squips. Shady-ass tech sold in the shadiest of places to teenagers trying to get laid. Target the most desperate of the desperate for a study you have to pay to be part of. Do yourself a favor, anyone so much as mentions Squips around you, run, don’t walk away.”

“What are they?” She wondered.

Michael shrugged, “Supercomputers in pill form. You take them with Mountain Dew and they implant in your brain and tell you how to be cool. And for all the applications a mind-blowingly advanced piece of tech could have- military advancement, study tool, basically a magic cover-up for any kind of mental illness ever, if not a complete cure- and it’s being sold in the back room of a mall Payless to horny American teenagers? In what world would that happen? Either they’re leaked defects of some top-secret government project, or they’re still under heavy testing. Either way, definitely not FDA-approved.” He huffed, lying across the bench, “I know how to deactivate them. My Warcraft buddy and I figured it out, and he tested it on his brother- it works… But it’s not easily accessible and it’s not easy to force someone to take it when they’ve been Squipped.”

“Dude, if you’re really telling the truth about this shit, you and your Warcraft buddy should go to the feds.” Mary suggested.

Michael scoffed, “Why? They would laugh in our faces and arrest us for wasting their time. None of it sounds real, I know that, but it’s my reality, and I fucking hate it. I just want Jeremy back. I just want things to go back to the way they should be.” His voice cracked a bit as he said this, and on hearing it, he mumbled, “I’m not high enough for this.” And promptly took another hit.

Mary dropped the subject after that, getting the idea that it wasn’t helping Michael’s already fragile mental state to be talking about it, and they finished off the joint before deciding it was time to go back to the apartment. After several snacks and an uneventful dinner followed by Lilo and Stitch, Michael decided to turn in for the night. It wasn’t until he was plugging his phone in that he realized he’d missed messages, which was odd, because his mom generally preferred calling to texting and Jeremy still wasn’t speaking with him. Frowning, he unlocked the phone, and the following conversation ensued.

 

Unknown: Hey Michael, thanks again for everything

Unknown: Sorry, it’s Evan

Unknown: I got your number from my mom’s phone

Unknown: Sorry, I know that’s really weird

Unknown: Sorry, now I’m bothering you aren’t I

Unknown: I’ll leave you alone, sorry

 

Those messages were all sent over the span of two minutes about an hour prior to Michael having noticed them. Shaking his head in amusement, Michael started a response.

 

Michael: You’re fine dude, I was watching a movie with my cousin and didn’t hear the phone

Evan: Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt

Michael: You didn’t, I just said I didn’t hear it lol. Please stop apologizing, it’s hard to watch.

Evan: Sorry

Evan: Shit I did it again

Michael: Are you feeling better now that you’re home?

Evan: Yeah, thanks

Evan: My mom actually wants to have you over for dinner tomorrow to say thank you

Evan: If it’s not too weird

Evan: I mean you don’t have to

Michael: You type so fast I can’t keep up. It’s not weird. Send me the time and place and I’ll be there, okay?

Evan: Really?

Michael: Unless you don’t want me to?

Evan: No! I do!

Michael: Okay, send me the info and I’ll be there lol. I’m going to bed for now though, so g’night Evan

Evan: Goodnight, Michael


	2. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has dinner with Evan and Heidi that's... really all there is to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back. Back again.
> 
> I don't really have much in the way of opening notes this time, but please check the end notes for clarifications.

Most of the following day was spent decorating Mary’s apartment to better suit the season and scrolling through Amazon for weird gift ideas that there are apparently markets for, like mac and cheese or pickle-flavored candy canes. Why anyone would put themselves through that torture, Michael would never understand. The only thing he could figure is that maybe they were given out as gag gifts, or handed to enemies without the packaging to give away their flavors. He had told his cousin in the morning that he’d be going over to Evan’s for dinner, and she hadn’t seemed particularly upset by the news, saying that she’d wanted some time to hit up the bars anyway, so it worked out well.

It was a bit of a walk to Evan’s house, but not much further than it was between his own house and Jeremy’s back home, and that was a trek his body had grown quite used to making, so it wasn’t too bad. Ringing the bell, he waited patiently for a moment before the door eventually swung open. “H-hey Michael… Sorry, my mom’s not home yet. She was supposed to be but she got c-called in…”

“It happens. Is she a doctor?” Michael asked, curious.

“Nurse, but she’s studying to become a practitioner so she takes all the hours she can get to pay for school and... everything else.” Evan replied, averting his gaze a bit, and without even trying, Michael could read him like a book.

“If she thought you were a burden, she wouldn’t be working so hard to make a better life for you.” He assured gently.

Alarmed at the invasion of private thoughts, Evan asked, panicked, “I didn’t- did I say that out loud?”

“Didn’t have to. I’m just overly familiar with that train of thought.” Michael said with a smile before finally asking, “Uh, so… Can I come in or do you just want to chat on the porch?”

Embarrassed that it had taken Michael commenting on it to realize what a terrible host he was being, Evan quickly stepped aside and said, “I’m sorry, of course, come in.” They moved the conversation to the family room, Evan taking the couch and Michael an overstuffed chair before Evan finally unloaded completely on Michael, entirely unprompted, “It’s just hard ‘cause she’s never around and I know she’s working hard and I should be grateful but there’s just something wrong with me where I can’t be and I know she’s having a hard time too since dad left, but she’s still so strong and I wish I could be more like that but I’m not, I’m just a huge mess of anxiety that she gets to come home from long work and school hours and clean up and it’s not fair.”

Michael allowed Evan to ramble on until he seemed satisfied, but once he seemed through, his legs having found their way up against his chest and face buried in his knees as he repeatedly mumbled that he was’ such a mess,’ Michael finally spoke, “It’s not your fault your dad left.”

“Yes it is! He didn’t want to deal with me and-”

“Did he ever say that?” Michael interjected with a raised eyebrow. He could see the wheels turning in Evan’s head.

“...No,” Evan said finally, “But he hasn’t been in touch since, and if he cared, why wouldn’t he try to talk to me or help mom support me or-”

“I didn’t say he was a good person, just that it wasn’t your fault.” Michael corrected. “Some people are just trash human beings, and sometimes they’re given the opportunity to reproduce. It’s just a shame when they do and then leave perfectly good kids with clouds over their heads. Jeremy’s mom left him and his dad, too. His dad’s not like your mom though, when she left, he fell apart. He hardly ever leaves the house, never cooks or cleans, doesn’t even wear pants most of the time… It’s been so long since I’ve seen him in pants that I wonder if he even owns any that fit him anymore. Jeremy and I do all the household chores over there…. Or, used to. I don’t go there anymore, obviously, so I don’t know if or how they’re getting done now.” Sighing, Michael swung his legs up over the arm of the chair, leaning his back against the opposite one.

Evan was quiet for a time before finally asking, “What about your parents?”

“My dad left in a more permanent sense.” Michael replied nonchalantly, “I don’t even remember, really. He went off and joined the army when I was just going into grade school, and a few months later men in suits showed up with a folded flag. Since then it’s just been me and my mom.”

Blanching at the revelation, Evan began spewing apologies, but Michael quickly interrupted, “It’s fine, Evan, you didn’t know. Besides, I’m over it. I don’t really remember much of him, but the little bits I do remember are all good. I remember one year when we went to see fireworks on the Fourth of July, Jeremy came with us, but neither of us were tall enough to see, so he put me up on his shoulders, but then both Jeremy and I got upset because we weren’t in touching distance- we really were inseparable back then- so I was balanced on one shoulder and Jeremy on the other and we had to hug over my dad’s head just to keep each other on.” He chuckled softly at the memory, “It’s one of my favorite memories.”

“I wish I had a friend like that.” Evan blurted out without thinking, and once he realized he’d said this, he quickly tried to correct himself, but only managed to get out “I mean-” before Michael interrupted again.

“It’s not all great. Not now, anyway, it was back then. But, you know, the younger you are, the easier everything is, especially for friendships. Zero complications. No girls coming between you, no necessity to be popular, not much, if any, pressure to keep grades up…” Michael looked up at the ceiling, “But then puberty hits and everything changes. The desire to fit in, to find your place, the primal urge to mate, the need to get high marks to make it into college…”

Frowning, Evan asked, “Don’t you want to find someone?”

Laughing hollowly, Michael replied, “I’m over it.” He wasn’t, but that was an issue he’d deal with on his own. Evan had enough on his plate without Michael unloading all of his baggage on him, too. Swiftly changing the subject, he asked, “So what do you like, Evan? Like hobbies and stuff? Je-” He stopped himself, amending, “I play video games a lot, I love just about anything retro or vintage, especially when you combine the two. Out-of-print games are my favorite things in the world.”

“Oh, uh… I play, too, sometimes… Video games, I mean, but that’s only really when I’m hanging out with Jared.” Evan said quietly, messing with his shirt again.

“I didn’t ask what he likes, I ask what  _ you _ like.” Michael repeated patiently.

Evan stared at him with the most intense gaze, as if he were trying to solve the world’s most difficult puzzle, “Why would you want to know that?”

Michael had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing, but he couldn’t manage to keep the amusement out of his tone, “Because it’s polite conversation, for one, but also because that’s how people get to know each other.”

Somehow, this response earned an even more confused look from Evan, “Wha…? Why would you want to get to know me?”

“Hard to be friends with someone if you know nothing but a name.” Michael replied with an easy shrug, and before Evan could ask, he added, “Before you ask, yes, I do want to be friends with you, because, well… Everyone should have friends, right? And it kinda sounds like neither of us do right now, so the obvious solution is for us to be friends.”

“But I’m weird and anxious and-”

“Evan, buddy, newsflash: everyone is weird in their own ways. There’s no getting around it. Everyone has flaws, everyone has quirks, everyone has problems. Sometimes those things stand out more in one person than the other, but that doesn’t make them any less present. You think I’m perfect? You think I’m normal? I already told you I’m not. I’m into things from before I was alive, I think sushi and slushies from Seven Eleven should have their own designated area on the food pyramid, I watch documentaries for fun and content and don’t just turn them on as background noise to fall asleep to, and I smoke pot because, hey, guess what? I have anxiety, too, and that shit helps me. I get anxious and self-deprecatory and spiral and when I do, I turn to bud, especially lately because without my player two, I’m an absolute mess, but I’m still expected to go to school, deal with seeing him even though I know he can’t see me, and half-ass my grades.” Michael let out a long breath as he finished speaking, “I’m not trying to devalue or invalidate your feelings or trying to pressure you into trying smoking. It’s not for everyone, anyway, all I’m saying is everyone has something, and that’s fine. I’m not going to think any less of you for it. So… Come on, tell me what you like.”

Evan was quiet for several minutes after this, likely debating if he wanted to answer, and how he should answer, before finally, he said one word, “Trees.”

“Trees? What, you like them?” Michael questioned.

Nodding, and seeing that Michael wasn’t being judgemental, only curious, Evan elaborated, “I just like being out in nature. It usually helps a lot with my anxiety. Fresh air, the wind, the gentle sounds of birds or water or wind in the leaves, the sun on my skin, the plants… It’s really not just trees. Trees are my favorites, but I do enjoy all plants, really, and I like taking pictures of them.” He looked down at his hands in his lap, still worrying the hem of his shirt, “People and trees have more in common than a lot of people realize.” He said quietly, “Like, you know, if you cut a low branch off a sapling, that mark where you cut doesn’t grow with the tree. It doesn’t go up higher so you can’t see it, and it doesn’t go away, it stays right where it is, a glaring reminder of the damage you caused.” Michael actually had to stop to consider Evan’s words, but evidently, he was silent for too long, because the next thing he remembered, Evan was blurting, “I’m sorry, that was weird, just forget I said anything and-”

“It wasn’t weird, Evan,” Michael said finally, “It was actually… really deep. I wasn’t expecting it is all. I didn’t realize there was so much depth to trees.”

It was Evan’s turn to pause then, “You didn’t think it was stupid?”

“Of course not. It’s obviously important to you, and I personally find it interesting that there’s so much more to nature than most people realize.” Michael assured him, “And I think you really have a way with words, phrasing it like that. I wouldn’t have thought to make that comparison, but I see where you’re coming from.”

Then, something else Michael hadn’t really been expecting happened. Anxious, nervous little Evan Hansen who’s expressions seemed to consist only of varying degrees of fear actually  _ smiled. _ It wasn’t forced or a half-smile, either, it was a real, genuine, smile, and the way his eyes lit up with it was the sweetest thing. It reminded him of when- no… No, now wasn’t the time to think about the past. “You shouldn’t have said that, you know, ‘cause now I’m never going to stop telling you about trees.”

With an easy grin, Michael replied, “Hey, as long as it brings that smile out of you, I can’t say I mind.”

Evan blushed, then, but he did keep talking at least, telling Michael about how to pull unwanted branches off of trees before they get big enough to leave a mark- when they’re still little green offshoots that can be pinched and pulled away, before the bark grows in properly and how with perennial bulb flowers like daffodils, if you pinch the ends of wasted flowers off, the energy that would have gone towards making a new bulb is instead diverted back into the original one making for an even bigger, better, and healthier plant the following year, and how those effects stack up over time because with a bigger plant, there are more leaves and more flowers, and with more leaves comes more photosynthesis, more energy being diverted back into the bulb for future growth.

Michael, truthfully, didn’t care about anything Evan was talking about. Plants simply weren’t that interesting to him unless he could smoke them, but he allowed the rambling anyway because he had the feeling no one ever really just  _ let _ Evan talk, and more than that, the poor guy probably never felt comfortable enough to even try telling people about his interests. Their chat only went on for about half an hour more, however, before a woman in scrubs entered with two boxes of pizza, “Evan! Is your friend still here?” She called distractedly, evidently not noticing them as she made her way through to the kitchen to put the box down.

“Right here, mom.” Evan corrected, and the woman whirled around to face him.

With a nervous laugh, she said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t see you there. I’ve just been so exhausted lately…” Her attention turned to Michael then as she added, “And where are my manners? You must be Michael, right? Thank you so much for helping Evan yesterday. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived, I’ve been so busy. I planned on making a nice dinner, but duty called. I hope pizza is okay?”

“My pleasure, Mrs. Hansen, and honestly? I’m more comfortable with pizza than homemade. Takeout has always been more my speed.” Michael assured her with a laugh as both he and Evan made their way into the kitchen to join her.

Smiling, she corrected, “Please, call me Heidi, and tell me about yourself. Evan says you’re not from the area?”

“Well, I don’t live  _ that _ far. I’m from New Jersey, close enough that I really could have just driven up here, but my mom didn’t want me driving so much by myself since I’m still so new to it.” Michael explained, “I had a falling out with my best friend earlier this year and we’d always celebrate the holidays together, so I was feeling a bit down, and she suggested I come up here and visit with my cousin to cheer me up. I’d actually just gotten in a few hours before we ran into Evan in the park.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your friend,” Heidi said softly, “But I’m glad you were there for Evan.”

“Me too. I know what it’s like to get stuck in that place alone.” Michael said dryly, “It’s not fun.”

“The party?” Evan asked gently, seeming to understand. Michael simply nodded in response, and the blonde said softly, “I’m sorry. That was really awful of him.”

Michael nodded again, as he couldn’t really disagree, though he still felt compelled to defend Jeremy’s honor. Why? Why did he still want to help Jeremy so badly? Why would he still give away anything just to have him back at his side? “It was, but… I forgive him. I don’t think there’s anything he could do that I wouldn’t forgive him for, and it scares me to think that, but it’s the truth.”

“Why is that?” Heidi asked, and Michael had almost forgotten she was there, he was so lost in his own thoughts.

“He was my best, and only, friend for the past twelve years. We could tell each other everything, leaned on each other for everything, were there for each other through basically every major life event, and I know he’s changed, but I still don’t want to think him capable of hurting me the way he has.” Michael said quietly, “Everything I did to help Evan in the park? All of that I learned trying to find ways to help Jeremy when he goes through the same. Even coming here- to Rochester, I mean, not  _ here _ specifically, I didn’t want to because some part of me wanted to hope that he’d come around over break and if I wasn’t there he might give up and think I’d moved on. The only reason I agreed was for my mom. I knew it would break her heart watching me stare at a phone that never rang for two weeks, and then she’d try even harder to make me feel better. She doesn’t want me to know, but I’ve seen her search history. She’s been looking online for somewhere else to live so I don’t have to go to school with him, to give up her career, her friends, and start over in a totally new place with nothing just because of how much it hurts seeing him every day. She shouldn’t have to do that, especially not since it’s only another year and a half, and it’s not that I don’t appreciate her wanting to help, but moving away would make it so much more final and I know if I’ll be ready for that by the time college rolls around, let alone before. The bond I have….  _ Had _ with Jeremy is something sacred to me, always has been, and to throw away any chance of it getting better just for my own sanity just feels selfish and wrong.”

“Sweetheart, it’s not selfish to do things for your own mental health. If you need space from a situation, give yourself that space. Now I know you don’t know him that well, but what would you suggest Evan do if he were in your shoes?” Heidi challenged, and Michael scrunched up his nose, because she absolutely had a point. He’d tell Evan to run and never look back, that it’s okay to do things for yourself and not to feel bad about it. He had moved on, and it was okay for Evan to do the same. “You see?” Heidi prompted after a moment, “With that said, I agree that your mother shouldn’t have to move for this to happen, I think you should learn ways to give yourself the space without having to run like that, some coping mechanisms like the ones you learned for… Jeremy, was it? Learn what helps you and apply it. It’s sweet that she wants to help, but there are better ways for her to do that without jumping to such extremes.”

Michael was quiet for a moment more before finally looking over to Evan. He was so much more at ease than he’d been previously, even with the uncomfortable nature of the topic at hand and being pulled into the conversation like he was. It was clear he was close with his mother, and somehow, that made Michael feel better. “Your mom’s the best, Evan.”

Blinking at the surprise of being addressed, Evan’s gaze found Michael’s and he smiled, though it wasn’t quite as brightly as it had been earlier, “I know.”

The rest of the meal was pleasant, though uneventful, and the three of them sat around the table long after the pizza was gone talking about a variety of subjects- what they wanted to do when they got out of school, the differences in their current high school careers, and yes, trees. At one point, Evan left to use the bathroom and Heidi said, “Thank you for being so patient with him. He really doesn’t have anyone to talk to about the things he loves, and even with me, he feels like he’s just annoying me. I have to prompt him to say anything. He’s so much more comfortable around you, I’m almost jealous.”

Michael chuckled, “I really don’t mind,” he assured her, “It makes him so happy to just have someone to listen, and, honestly, it’s not much different than a documentary, and I love those, so…”

Heidi smiled, “Well, I think both of you found each other at just the right time. I know you won’t be local for much longer, but I hope you boys keep in touch anyway.”

“We will.” Michael promised. Some time after this, as he was getting ready to leave, the familiar “waka waka” of Pac-Man’s chomping got his attention- it was his text alert noise. Checking it, he smiled before looking up at Evan, who he could already tell was worrying that it was something that was going to pull Michael away, “It’s my cousin, Mary. She wants to know if you want to come with us to see the Rockefeller tree tomorrow. I understand if you don’t, there’ll probably be a ton of people… I don’t really want to go, either, but she’s trying to be nice and spend time with me. Anyway, it’s up to you.”

Evan brought his hand up to his chest, and for a fraction of a second, Michael thought he was going to have another attack, but his fears were washed away in an instant when the boy gasped in mock offense, “After everything I’ve said today, you think I would miss out on a chance to see that almost unnaturally large evergreen in person?”

That was it. Michael broke, doubling over laughing, “And I thought  _ I _ was a geek! Wow, Evan, okay.”

“Is anyone going to ask me what I think about this?” Heidi interrupted, a warm smile on her face.

Evan turned to face his mother, “Oh, mom, I’m sorry, I should have-”

“I’ll leave some money on the counter in case you want to get some food or souvenirs.” Heidi interrupted, striding over and kissing her son’s forehead. “Take care, Michael!”

Michael, finally pulling himself back together, straightened up and said, “You too, Mrs…. Heidi. And I’ll see you tomorrow, Evan. We’ll be by around ten, she wants to wander and look at storefronts, too, so we’ll do that most of the day, and then the tree when the lights come on.” With this, he waved and made his way back to Mary’s apartment, his heart lighter than it had been since that day at the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few things I wanted to mention. First off: both Mac and Cheese AND Pickle flavored candy canes are actually real products that Amazon really sells. I know because I worked there for a while, and boy do I have stories about what goes through that place, but anyway... I was horrified when I discovered them.
> 
> Also, Evan's plant facts? Those all come from my personal experience. My grandma is big into gardening and tells me things about plants all of the time. I'm fairly certain they're all true just based on evidence I've seen, but I didn't really do any fact-checking for this particular chapter so some of it might be exaggerated.
> 
> Anyway, just to clarify, Evan didn't tell Heidi about anything with the Squip, Jeremy- really much of anything about what Michael told him. He just told her he was really nice and patient and explained how she helped him through his anxiety, and that he wasn't from the area. (Because she asked if he'd seen him at school before).
> 
> One last thing, I got a super valid question comment I want to address for those of you not like me who don't read through every comment that's been replied to on a fic: This story is planned to have Evan and Michael get together and eventually break up and go to their own fandoms for shipping, but if the relationship is well-received and enough people ask nicely, I may, in the future, look into revisiting them as a more permanent ship because I do think they would go well together. I don't say that often because I get picky about OTPs, but I could see Michael and Evan really working together, and the beginnings of a plot bunny are stirring in my mind, so we'll see what happens there. If you want to see it, best thing to do is let me know.
> 
> ONE LAST THING I FORGOT! I'm going to alter the timeline slightly because I remembered Rich and Jake. Their injuries were from Halloween, it wouldn't make sense for them to still be suffering so much in the spring, so the play will be almost immediately after winter break. You've been warned!


	3. Get Over It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Window shopping and drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. No outright panic attacks in this one, though the anxiety levels are pretty well through the roof (but it's DEH, what did you expect?). It took me a while to get around to finishing this chapter. I had it partway done for a while but I just couldn't figure out how to push forward? Anyway, it's shorter than the other chapters, but I'm happy with where I ended it, and hopefully you will be, too. 
> 
> Disclaiming reminder: I DO NOT KNOW DEH THAT WELL! Jared is in this chapter and he's a jerk, possibly moreso than in the musical. This is headcanon and may or may not be canon compliant. Read at your own risk.

Inviting Evan had been a mistake. Michael knew this before the boy even got in the car. There was absolutely no way Evan was going to be able to handle the bustling crowds, people shoving past him- hell, Michael wasn’t sure he’d handle it too well, himself. He had never been one for crowds, either. It was where he and Jeremy differed. Where Jeremy was perfectly fine in a crowd as long as people he didn’t know didn’t try to engage him, Michael was the opposite in that usually, if he had someone to talk to, even if it wasn’t someone he knew well, as long as they were nice and he wasn’t the center of  _ everyone’s _ attention, he was pretty okay with crowds, but if he was the center of attention or if no one was talking to him as a distraction, the pressure to  _ not _ draw attention to himself was often unbearable. Thankfully, with his full attention on making sure Evan was alright, he figured he’d probably be fine. Probably. As Evan swung himself into the back seat, Michael resisted the urge to ask if Evan was really sure he wanted to do this, to give him an out. He knew asking constant questions about comfort levels often added to discomfort they were supposed to prevent, but he couldn’t help wanting to, anyway. Through the drive up, he and Evan planned and mapped out the day’s itinerary, where to start to cover the most ground, possible places they could stop for lunch and dinner along the way, even places with public bathrooms available just in case. Everything was perfectly fine until Mary parked and the trio got out of the car.

They had wound up parallel parking with a meter on the side of the road, which would have been fine, except that this meant getting out of the car and onto the sidewalk which was already swarming with people. Mary and Michael had no trouble getting out and up on the curb, but Michael noticed the distinct lack of a car door slam behind him and turned back. Evan was sitting on the edge of the seat, his feet hanging out of the car but not moving, his eyes darting back and forth wildly, like he was looking for a break in pedestrian traffic to get out. “Evan, we’re in the heart of New York, people aren’t going to stop for you.” Michael said gently, stepping toward him and essentially body-blocking the traffic flow so Evan was more comfortable getting out and leaned against the car, asking in a low tone, as not to embarrass him, “Are you really sure you want to do this? You don’t have to-”

“I know,” Evan said quietly, “It’s just… more than I expected. I’ll be fine.” Michael raised an eyebrow in disbelief, and Evan repeated, “I’ll be fine!”

“You’ll tell me the second you’re not?” Michael pried.

“I’ll be  _ fine, _ Michael-”

“Promise.”

For a moment, the two exchanged a heated glare in silence before Evan finally relented, lowering his gaze and mumbling, “I’m just worried, like, what if I lose you? I don’t have the best cell service and it’s always bad in cities anyway with all the metal, so what if I can’t find you and I can’t use my phone and something happens and-” Evan was cut off by the weight of Michael’s hand over his own. Confused, he looked up at the other.

“So we just won’t get split up. Hang onto me and we’ll be fine. I get service just fine in the city, I’ve been here before. And if it gets too much, just give me a little squeeze and we’ll find somewhere quieter to calm down, okay?” Michael offered with a reassuring smile. For a time, Evan simply sat, staring at Michael, confusion and concern in his expression, but eventually, he slid out of the car and resolutely slammed the door closed behind him. Really, the day had mostly gone on without a hitch, in spite of concerns to the contrary. The trio had admired and joked about window displays and even made it through lunch without a problem. In fact, there hadn’t even been a single incident where Michael had to get Evan away from the crowds, which was pretty impressive and not something Michael had at all been expecting after how hard it had been to just get the boy out of the car. It wasn’t until they stopped in a McDonald’s for dinner that problems arose. After ordering, Michael and Evan had gone to sit down while Mary paid and waited for the food, and that should have been fine, and it was, until a voice called out, “Hansen?”

Evan, who, until that point, had been doing remarkably well, went stiff as a board and snatched his hand away from Michael’s, which he had been holding (only letting go for bathroom breaks and when they were eating, of course) since he’d gotten out of the car, and turned in the direction of the voice, “J-Jared?! What are you d-doing here?”

Jared shrugged, “Came to get a shot of myself with the tree for Insta. Girls love that shit. More importantly, what the hell are  _ you _ doing here? You realize there are  _ people _ here, right? Like, a lot of them?”

“I wanted to see the tree…” Evan mumbled, lowering his gaze and fidgeting with his shirt, which, Michael was just realizing, he hadn’t done the entire day until that point.

Scoffing, Jared rolled his eyes, “Of course you do. Some advice? You’re never gonna get laid if you keep that weird tree kink.”

And Michael had heard enough. “Yeah, and I suppose you’re the expert in that field, right? I mean, it’s not like people are actually interested in character content, right? As long as you take a nice picture for social media every now and then, what more can anyone ask for? Total dreamboat material.”

“Was I talking to you?” Jared bristled, glaring at Michael. It was clear just from his reaction that Evan never stood up for himself to this guy, but Michael wasn’t about to let that stand. He’d made the mistake of letting Rich go too far with Jeremy- he wouldn’t let it happen again.

“Looks like you are now. So tell me, what’s it like being a sociopath? I mean, you’re so critical of Evan’s interests, you must not have any of your own, right? You experience no joy in life?” Michael challenged.

Evan tugged at Michael’s sleeve, “Please,” He all but begged in a tiny voice, but Michael wasn’t having it.

“It’s not my fault he’s got that freakish obsession with trees. You know, he called me crying one time because he found out how many trees get cut in a year to make toilet paper. Like who the fuck cares?! They’re trees! They’ll grow back!” Jared pointed out rolling his eyes.

“You should!” Michael defended, pointing to the burger in Jared’s hands, “I see you have ketchup, mustard, and pickles on your burger there. How do you think those got there? Bees. You know what happens when you cut down trees? The flowers that grow in the forests, the generational hives, they all die, the  _ bees _ die, and when the bees die, who’s going to be left to pollinate? Are you going to walk through the fields and personally cross-pollinate each flower of each plant to make sure there are enough to meet the demand? Not to mention the impact on the climate between the fact that trees reduce CO2  _ and  _ the increased toll of burning fossil fuels to  _ make _ the trees into toilet paper. And yeah, the trees  _ might _ grow back, but they won’t grow fast enough to give all of the displaced bees new homes before they die, and they won’t grow fast enough to cover all of the damage being done by the cutting and processing of their ancestors, and the fact that you’re completely ignorant to  _ all _ of that isn’t helping your case at all.”

Jared and Evan both stared at Michael, completely dumbfounded. Evan because he actually hadn’t gone on a full rant about bees with Michael yet, so the fact that he knew any of that and actually  _ cared _ was heartwarming, and Jared because- “What the  _ fuck _ Hansen?! You know, I wasn’t going to comment on the fact that you two were totally holding hands when I came over here, but now I have to ask, how long have you been sleeping with this guy to get him so damn brainwashed, and how did I not know about it?”

Evan blanched at the accusation, but Michael barked out a humorless laugh, “Hah! Gay jokes. That’s cute. Your usual method isn’t working so you’re branching out. I guess there’s something to be said for adaptability. Too bad you’re going down the evolutionary hill instead of up. I know this might be difficult to understand, but Evan and I are  _ friends _ . I literally just met him two days ago. It’s possible for a gay guy to have male friends and  _ not _ be sleeping with them the same way it’s possible for a straight guy to have female friends and  _ not _ be sleeping with them. It’s also possible to use your own goddamn brain to come to logical conclusions all by yourself, but that doesn’t seem to be your strong suit. You’d much rather keep up the unbothered tough guy appearance than even  _ pretend _ to care or think about anything. Let me tell you something, tough guy. Appearances only get you so far without charisma, without skill, without  _ character. _ All the Insta likes in the world won’t buy you someone who actually gives a damn about you like Evan.” Jared and Michael stood, silently seething at one another for a good thirty seconds before Jared finally turned and left.

Turning towards Evan, his enraged expression finally melting back into it’s usual warm smile, Michael asked, “How do you stand that guy?”

It would be a while before Evan responded verbally, but meanwhile, he threw his arms around Michael’s shoulders, flinging his body against the other boy’s. “Why did you do that?” He asked tearfully.

“Would you believe me if I said ‘because I care?’” Michael challenged, though he hugged Evan back, “That’s the truth, Evan, and it’s what friends do. They stick up for each other, they’re there for each other, they help each other through things, and they  _ listen _ when the other talks. That’s what friends do. It’s not uncommon, it’s not special, it’s just what friends do.”

It was then that Mary cleared her throat from behind Michael and asked, “Am I interrupting?”

Again, Evan threw himself away from Michael, face red and looking anywhere but at them. Michael rolled his eyes and took a seat at a nearby table, “Let’s just eat so we can go see the tree.” He suggested, and the others joined him, Evan sitting beside Michael and Mary across from them, though Evan continued to refuse to make eye contact.

As they finished eating, Mary got up to use the bathroom, leaving the boys alone again for a moment, and Evan asked quietly, “How did you know all that stuff about bees?”

Michael smiled fondly and reminded, “I told you, I watch documentaries for content. I’ve seen a few about the bee crisis and climate change. I usually just watch whatever’s on NatGeo or Discovery, though you have to fact-check Discovery sometimes. I figure if I spend enough time listening to people talking about smart things, maybe it’ll rub off on me. So far, it hasn’t been reflected in my grades, but I’m a walking wealth of random facts, and it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. You know, for science.”

Evan chuckled, “There’s more to being smart than what they teach in school, anyway.”

“See! You get it!” Michael agreed, playfully nudging Evan with his shoulder.

“Jared gets annoyed when I talk about stuff like that. Bees, trees, climate change, drought, forest fires… He thinks it’s all stupid and I’m wasting my time and his.” Evan mumbled, and he was fidgeting with his shirt again, only this time, his fingers were greasy and staining his shirt.

Michael pulled Evan’s hand away from his shirt, holding it instead, which immediately prompted the blonde to snap his head in Michael’s direction, “Don’t listen to him. You can’t just let him shit on you and everything you love like that. I get that he’s the closest you have to a friend, and maybe I’m a hypocrite for saying this, but if he can’t be supportive, or at least  _ cordial, _ why bother? Why set yourself up like that? You’re better off having no friends than having someone who constantly drags you down like he just did. He’s mean to you because you let him get away with it. You saw how quickly he fell apart when I started talking. Leave him no ground to stand on. It’s the same thing Rich did to Jeremy and I. Freshman Year, no one even knew who Rich was. Even Jeremy and I didn’t notice him, which is saying a lot, because we’re bottom-tier on the social scale. At least, we were… He’s not, anymore, but that’s not the point. Being a dick to us got Rich noticed by the cool kids, and eventually got him adopted into higher social classes. I mean, of course, the stupid computer in his brain helped, and was the reason he even thought to start it, but that Jared guy is doing the same thing Rich was. He’s trying to increase his own standing by basically cannibalizing. If he pushes you down enough, he can stand on you and that’ll make him taller, but if you don’t just lay there and take it, he won’t have anywhere to stand.”

“That’s… Really messed up.” Evan said quietly.

Michael shrugged, “It’s an effed-up world but it’s a two-player game.” He gave a nostalgic smile, “Jeremy and I used to say that, back when it was true.”

“God, can you just go five minutes without thinking about that guy?” Mary complained as she slid back into her seat, “Seriously, Michael. Get over it!”

Michael’s eyes glassed over then, “Get over it? Get over it, Mary? Get over it the way I got over my dad dying? Get over it the way I got over being the only one there to comfort my mom? Get over it the way I got over the fact that nobody, no, not even you, remembered my goddamn birthday that year  _ except _ Jeremy? Get over it the way I got over being the cause of gran’s heart attack when I came out? Yeah, just buck up, Michael. Chin up, stay strong like you always fucking have to be because nobody else will! You brought weed into my life, Mar, and I’m grateful for that. God knows where I’d be without it. It takes the edge off, it numbs the pain, quiets my head, but it’s  _ temporary,  _ it doesn’t magically  _ fix _ everything that made me smoke in the first place. Nothing can. So many things in my life I’ve just gotten over. So many things I’ve just pushed aside to deal with another day because someone else needed me, but this  _ one _ time, this  _ one _ thing, my  _ one _ friend I’ve had my whole life won’t even give me the time of day and how  _ dare _ I have the audacity to be sad about it. You know, I came here to get away from mom’s pity, from her pushing me to ‘move on,’ but you’re no better than she is!”

Obviously, Mary hadn’t been expecting this outburst, the way her face contorted into concern and remorse, “Mi-”

“Save it.” Michael cut in, “I’m over it, okay? I’m fine. I’m happy. See how fucking happy I am?” He forced an obviously fake, toothy grin that looked more like a grimace than anything. He closed his eyes, letting out a long exhale before looking to Evan, “You done eating?” Though he said nothing, Evan nodded slowly, “Let’s go, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so... A few things. I think Michael MIGHT have gotten a bit out of character here, but at the same time, I'm not really sure that's true. The defending Evan to Jared is pretty standard with my Headcanon Michael because I *could* see him standing up for Jeremy in the same way. Keep in mind, he didn't directly witness any bullying of Jeremy in the musical with the exception of Rich shouting "GAY!" when he signed up for play rehearsal. The backpack thing was already done by the time they got to lunch, the "stalls are for girls" he wasn't there for, everything the Squip said was inside Jeremy's head, even what happened at the Halloween Party with Chloe and Jake- he wasn't privy to that information. Jeremy just said "It's just really good to see you, man." He didn't say "I ran in here to hide from Jake because he caught Chloe trying to have her way with me and is now out for blood, but hey, I'm so glad you're here." So I do think he would have stood up for Jeremy had he actually SEEN any of that going on, and applying that to Evan, especially from a stand of "I couldn't protect Jeremy but I'm not making the same mistake with you" is plausible to me, but the end where he freaks out on Mary I'm less sure of. I *do* believe he feels that way (I mean, obviously all of the things he mentioned are headcanon anyway but accepting them as truth, I think he would feel that way) but I don't know that he would express them like that. I sorta see it as a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation, but I'd love to hear what you think.
> 
> Again, Jared was probably OOC but I don't really care. I'm mostly using him as a plot device right now anyway.
> 
> I realize they didn't actually see the tree in this chapter. I'm planning at this time to just gloss over it in the next chapter the same way I did with the window shopping in this one, but Michael WILL be spending more time with Evan before he returns to New Jersey.
> 
> Also, that random hug from Evan was a combination of things. Allow me to explain. So, he hugged Michael in part because he was grateful (and in disbelief) that Michael had stood up for him, but also because he was afraid if he didn't do something to hold Michael in place, he might go after Jared and make the situation worse. On top of all that, he was pretty much on the verge of a panic attack from the anxiety of watching his new friend and his "family" friend fight over him and needed physical contact to ground him and help him reset, basically. Plus the fact that he needed reassurance that Michael was there and that he cared about Evan because those 'unworthy' thoughts were coming back with Jared's harping on him about his interest in trees, and being allowed to hug Michael and especially getting the gesture returned helped to quiet that.


	4. Author Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update about the life of the author, has zero story content.

Where to begin? Well, I’ll start with an apology. I know I’ve been neglectful of this fanfiction and my others, especially lately, and I was trying to be better about that but I guess it didn’t work out so well. I wanted to give you all an update about what’s going on in my life, why chapters are taking so long to push out. I also apologize because this will get quite winded, and I hope that you’ll all bear with me and read through it because I’m really pouring my heart out.

So here’s the thing. I love fanfiction writing, I really do. I love working with premade characters, putting my own flare on them with the challenge of staying true to the core of who they are. I find it a positive challenge to my ability- it helps me improve as an original author as well because while I can SAY “they’re my character, so I know what I’m doing” it’s still important to remain true to who they are, so testing myself with fanfiction, with premade characters, helps me set mental boundaries and guidelines. That said, fanfiction writing is more of a pastime for me, something I do when I’m feeling particularly uninspired or just having trouble writing in general. Writing remains a huge part of my life and has been since I was quite young, but because it is a pastime used to fill gaps, you sometimes see me just flitting in and out or writing fanfiction series- as evidenced by my accumulation of unfinished works.

I won’t go into the details here of how I got started writing or inspirations or anything because this is already going to drag on, but I will have a way to find out at the end, so hang tight. What I will say is that I do not consider this fanfiction “dead” by any means- that said, I  _ would _ consider it “on hiatus.” I don’t know for how long because there’s something brewing in my life that’s bigger than this right now and, for the time being, my inspiration for that is SOARING and I want to take full advantage while I have it.

A friend and I, back in September of last year, started a new roleplay. It’s an original and it was supposed to be just a fun little side to our “main” roleplay at the time. Nothing was ever planned to come of it, just a sort of self-indulgent game. Since then, it has steadily grown in content, quality, planned length, plot, and absolutely everything else to the point where our “main” roleplay almost never sees the light of day anymore because we’re so focused on this “side” one. It’s really exciting, the characters are fantastic, the story is wonderful, we’re planning possible spin-offs and we’re really hoping to polish it up once we get to a point we feel comfortable and publishing it. If and when this happens, it will be my first published book.

Now, for why I’m telling you about this. The obvious reason is “this is taking up my time and inspiration right now and I want to focus more on that instead of on fanfiction” but beyond that, this is a really exciting time in my life and it would mean a lot to me to have your support. I’m not talking about financially, I’m not asking for donations (honestly, I don’t even HAVE a patreon or Koffi or anything), I mean words of encouragement, criticisms, and general interest. I am quite similar to our dear friend Evan Hansen in that I don’t have much in the way of self-esteem or a sense of community/belonging and I never really have, but it’s something I’ve always longed for. Through my writing of fanfiction, I’ve found so much love and support from you guys, in addition to support from past teachers, that has given me the confidence to come this far, and I really want to share in this journey as I grow both as an author and as a person with all of you. I  _ love _ connecting with fans of my work and, yes, even critics because it’s a learning experience as to how I can improve. I want to answer your questions and connect with you about this project I’m currently working on as well as my others, and share with you some of my other work (I have poetry and songs I’ve written, too- and some song parodies, I just really like writing, okay?!)

Let’s be reasonable. I can’t promise I’ll reply to every message- I do still have a job in addition to my writing, but I know I wouldn’t even be considering writing a published work if it weren’t for all of you, and I want to express my gratitude for you by giving you a way to communicate with me directly (and I will TRY to respond as much as possible). The easiest way to do this would probably be through a Twitter account or Facebook group or some other form of social media account and those ARE coming, but I’d like to get a “professional” and “official” author photo taken first and take a bit more time to collect my thoughts, but in the meantime, I feel like I’ve been dragging so far behind with this fanfic and my others that I just want to be able to offer you a little treat. (Of course, another way to access me is through Discord, though I warn you, my Discord is far from professional and my nickname changes frequently, so it’s easier to connect at least at first this way, then later, if you’d like, you can request my Discord information or share yours with me).

So thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me reading all of this, I know it got long, but I really do love all of you and thank you for your readership, your lovely comments and words of encouragement and support. Now, without further ado, the way I have, for NOW, for you to contact me is my brand new email account. I know, we’re really going high-tech here, cutting-edge stuff. This is my professional writing email address, and if you’d like I can do like newsletters and stuff, just general bulletins of things happening in my life with my stories and such, just let me know what you want 'cause I don't really know what you all want to see from me... My life really isn't all that interesting right now. I’m really looking forward to connecting with any of you who might be interested! earwrites@gmail

 

Sincerely, Me


	5. Sleepover?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two awkward boys make weird jokes about climate change and have a sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, thank you to everyone for sticking with me. I love you all. I'm still working on my original stories but I've been having a lot of trouble with physical health which is preventing me from falling asleep which means I have a lot of free time and not enough distractions SO... Here you go. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. These boys are total nerds and I love them.

Michael was silent for the rest of the trip, not even commenting on the tree, the lights, the people… He trailed behind Mary silently, never letting go of Evan’s hand but never saying a word, either. Evan, himself, was just as quiet as Michael, as if the entire mood of the day seemed to revolve entirely around Michael’s own. Mary tried, a few times, to get one or both of them to talk to her, but was always met with single-word responses or silence. It wasn’t until they were back in Rochester, dropping Evan off, that Michael finally spoke again. He got out to walk Evan to the door, and when they reached it and Evan had opened it that he finally said, “I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t the most fun to be around today, and it wasn’t your fault, just… That Jared guy pissed me off, and he reminded me of Rich, and then Mary laying into me about Jeremy-”

“It’s okay,” Evan cut in with a small smile, “I get it. You and Jeremy were obviously really close, and you shouldn’t feel like you can’t talk about what happened. It shouldn’t be taboo. None of those things you brought up- you should be able to talk freely about that stuff. No one can tell you how to feel. You’ll be okay, and you’ll move on in time, but you have to be ready to do that yourself. You have to decide for yourself when it’s time to stop. Obviously I have a lot of my own things going on, but I’ll always listen if you want to talk, Michael. But I still really did have fun today.”

Michael’s tight expression eased into a smile, and he looked about to say something more when Heidi appeared behind Evan, “Did I hear right? You had fun today?” She asked, pulling Evan against her happily.

Evan squirmed, but Michael supplied, “We did, mostly.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. Do you have plans tomorrow, Michael? You’re welcome to spend the night if you want.” The woman offered.

Michael glanced back at the car where Mary was still waiting for him. He didn’t have any plans for the following day, and he really didn’t want to have to deal with her again for the night. He knew their earlier conversation wasn’t over, but if he could at least stave it off until he’d had some time to cool off… He turned back toward Evan and Heidi, “If you’re okay with it, Evan?”

Evan, who had been struggling against his mother’s hug, stilled and blinked at Michael, almost as if he’d missed the entire conversation, but the question he posed made it clear he’d been paying too  _ much _ attention, “I’d love you to stay but… aren’t you supposed to be spending quality time with your cousin?”

Michael winced, “I might be more interested in that if she hadn’t royally pissed me off earlier. I’ll be right back.” With this, he went back to the car, standing in front of the driver door until Mary rolled down the window. “I’m staying here tonight.”

Mary sighed, “Michael, come on-”

Michael was quick to interject, “No. I’m tired, Mary. I’m tired of always losing everything. Just this once, I have a chance to win. Just this once, the cards aren’t all stacked against me, and I want to see how it ends. I feel like… I feel like Evan is my second chance. Everything I fucked up with Jeremy… I have a chance to  _ not _ do that again. If I could go back in time, I would have changed things, but I can’t. The best I can do is learn from it and apply it to the present, so that’s what I’m gonna do. I don’t want to fight anymore, I don’t want pity from you, I don’t want to see the sadness in my mom’s eyes, to keep pulling out my phone to check for texts I know are never gonna come, just… Let me try not to repeat my mistakes.”

Evidently, Mary had no rebuttal to this. She sighed, and clearly wasn’t happy about it, but she said, “Fine. You okay with walking back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mary.” With this, Michael returned to the Hansens, who were both still waiting patiently in the doorway. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, Michael. You don’t have to stay if-” Heidi tried, but Michael quickly shook his head.

“I want to. I came up here to get away from a bad situation for a while, to try to have a good time without thinking about what I was leaving behind… What had left me behind. It wasn’t really explicitly to spend time with Mary, though the guise of ‘easing her loneliness’ was part of the package deal, the reason I came up here was to find peace with myself, and I feel like spending time with Evan, talking to him and helping him is going to help me do that. I have a chance not to make the same mistakes I did with Jeremy, to be a better person, a better friend, and I’m not going to mess it up this time. I can’t. I can barely live with myself with what happened last time, I can’t let it happen again, so I want to stay. I’ve got the whole break to spend with Mary, and it’s not like she never visits us.” Michael said finally, smiling slightly at Evan as he suggested, “Besides, there’s nothing I want to do more right now than curl up with Netflix and binge the most depressing shit about man’s destruction of the planet.”

That managed to crack a grin out of Evan and even draw out a little chuckle. “I feel like I’m missing something,” Heidi said softly, though she was smiling, seeing how happy her son obviously was, “But if that’s what you want to do, come on in and I’ll put some popcorn on for you two.”

“Yeah, letting all the heat out isn’t helping the global warming situation.” Evan supplied, even daring to grab Michael by the wrist and drag him beyond the threshold into the house.

It was Michael’s turn to laugh, “Oh, come on! I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but being a major contributing factor in the rising sea levels is  _ not _ one of them!”

“You’re part of the human race, you’re guilty by association.” Evan teased, leading Michael up to his room as Heidi went to the kitchen to make popcorn.

“By that logic, so are you. Unless you’re going to tell me you’re actually an Ent or a Dryad, but if Heidi is your mom…”

“I could be adopted!” Evan defended, “I’m an Ent with a curse to make me appear human. The reason I’m so small is because the spell was cast when I was so young, I’m actually over 1,000 years old. My real name is Evangreen, but they call me Evan so I fit in better.”

The seriousness with which Evan told this tale was almost as funny to Michael as how ridiculous it was. He invited himself to fall onto Evan’s bed, laughing hysterically, but when Evan failed to join in his laughter and he felt no dip in the mattress signaling another body on it, he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, quelling it with a soft, “God, I needed that.” He looked up, then, at the other teen who was standing awkwardly off in the corner, worrying the hem of his shirt with renewed vigor and staring intensely at the ground. “Evan?” Michael called, sitting up, “Everything okay?”

For nearly a minute, Evan didn’t even respond, and Michael was beginning to wonder if he’d even heard him when suddenly, he began to speak, “I just… I’veneverhadafriendover-”

“Slow!” Michael corrected, crossing the admittedly small room to take Evan’s hands in his, pulling them away from his shirt. The movement prompted the boy to finally meet his gaze, “Slow down. You sound like an adult in the old Peanuts cartoons when you talk that fast.” Before Evan could apologize, he tried to piece it together himself, “You’ve never had a friend over so… What? You just don’t know how this works?”

Evan nodded fervently, “Only Jared, but he doesn’t like to, you know, actually be near me or come up to my room or anything. I don’t know why I came up here, I wasn’t thinking, but it’s weird, right? Like, if we’re going to watch a movie-”

“-We should be in the most comfortable place in the house because I’m spending the night and we don’t want to fall asleep on the couch and wake up feeling like old men.” Michael supplied, “It’s not weird unless you make it weird, Evan. Jeremy and I used to do this all the time. Bring out a laptop, set it up against the headboard, and watch whatever until we fell asleep. It was totally fine until the one day he picked the movie and it was boring so I fell asleep first and he decided to jump on Pornhub and I woke up because he was moving too much…  _ That _ was awkward and weird, especially since we were at my house so it was my laptop and my bed, but... Don’t do that and we’re cool.”

Evan’s face turned bright red at Michael’s retelling of the story, but Heidi came in not long after with the popcorn and some grape Kool-Aid and that was more than enough of a distraction for Michael to turn away, “IS THAT KOOL-AID?! I  _ love _ Kool-Aid! Grape is my favorite, too, how did you know? Well, grape and cherry. Especially if you put both of them together, I used to do experiments where I’d mix the flavors and make my mom do blind taste tests… She stopped buying me Kool-Aid after I made her drink a grape, orange, and strawberry kiwi combination. I wondered why at the time and said she was unfair, but saying it out loud, I think I understand now.”

Heidi chuckled and said, “Well, we only have grape, so I think we’re safe. Make sure you brush your teeth before you fall asleep- you too, Michael. I put a spare toothbrush on the bathroom sink for you. Unfortunately, I’ve got the graveyard shift tonight, so I’ll be out. You boys ate dinner, right? And Evan, you can make breakfast in the morning?”

Evan nodded, evidently having moved past the porn story as he assured her, “Don’t worry about us, mom. We’ll be okay.”

“A mother always worries.” Heidi said, stepping inside to set the snacks and drinks on Evan’s desk and kiss his forehead, “I love you, sweetie.” With this, she dismissed herself from the room, saying a quick goodbye to Michael on her way out as he called out a farewell after her.

“Your mom is so cool.” Michael sighed, grabbing the popcorn and settling back onto ‘his’ side of Evan’s bed, up against the wall.

“I guess.” Evan agreed, though when he noticed Michael’s confused expression, he quickly corrected, “I mean- she is! Just… She’s never around, and I’m always here by myself and I don’t have any friends except Jared, but I can’t talk to him, and it’s not her fault or anything, I know she has to work and go to school to take care of me but-”

“You’re lonely.” Michael supplied, and Evan nodded. Patting the bed beside him, Michael waited for Evan to grab the laptop and join him before saying, “My mom works a lot, too. She doesn’t go to school, but she does work a lot. I didn’t mind so much before because I always had Jeremy, but now? The silence is deafening. First thing I do when I get home and she’s not there is turn on the TV just to fill the quiet, even if I’m not watching whatever’s on. Messaging my Warcraft buddies helps a little… But they all keep weird hours and I can’t always count on them to be online when I need them, and it’s not like we exchanged phone numbers or even messengers or anything, just Blizzard accounts. I think that’s part of why my mom wanted me to come up here. She knew since I don’t have friends at home and she’s always working, I would have been really lonely there by myself. As it is I was in a really bad place back there mentally. You saw a little of that today. I was just wallowing in self-pity and longing for the better days of my childhood.”

“I don’t blame you. If I had younger years as happy as yours, I’d want to go back, too.” Evan agreed quietly, settling in.

Michael shook his head, “The better the good times are, the harder it makes the bad times… And not all of it was good. I mean, losing my dad and almost being the cause of my grandma’s death. But enough about that. Tonight, neither of us are alone, so let’s enjoy it while it lasts, right?”

“R-right…” Evan turned his laptop on and started up Netflix, putting on a documentary, just like Michael had suggested. Both boys were consumed by the show, but when it ended, neither of them made a move to start up a new one or turn the laptop off. Instead, Evan looked over to Michael, his face slightly pink, as he asked, “Was that story true? About Jeremy when you were sleeping?”

Michael laughed, “The guy is a sex maniac. Really it’s no surprise he ditched me for a girl, and I shouldn’t be taking it so personally. He’s been like that since we hit puberty, looking for any opportunity to have ‘alone time’ he could find. It was only a matter of time before his own right hand wasn’t enough.” He sighed, rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. “I guess I just… There was some part of me that hoped  _ I _ would be the one to replace it. I know it sounds bad to say that, but it’s the truth. One I’ve had trouble coming to terms with for a long time. It’s one thing to be gay. It’s another to be so deep in the friendzone you know there’s no way you’ll ever escape. It’s another to be both of those things with a straight guy. Jeremy never wanted me that way, and never would, and I knew that, but… There was always some part of me that held out hope. Some part that wanted to dream. That’s why it hurts so bad. I tried so hard for so long to just be a good friend, to put all my own feelings for him aside and be as supportive as I possibly could, to pretend to be happy for him when he finally worked up the courage to make baby steps towards communicating with his crush, and encouraging him to do so just because as much as it hurt me to know I’d be losing any fantasies I may have had about being with him, it hurt worse to think that if I told him the truth about how I felt, I might lose him platonically, too. Somehow I managed to do that anyway.”

Turning his head toward Evan, he admitted, “I’ve never told anyone that. I really, really, with my whole entire heart, loved Jeremy. To some extent, I still do, I still have those hopes that one day he’ll wake up. I don’t think anybody wants to be forever alone. I think everybody wants someone to love, who loves them in return. I mean, even aromantic asexuals want to at least have platonic love in friendships, right? It’s human nature, we’re social creatures. I thought I could sustain myself with that alone with Jeremy, but when he left, I fell apart. I lost myself, and I don’t know if I ever would have found me again if I hadn’t met you, Evan. You gave me courage and the strength to go on, and I’ll always be grateful to you for that. Even if Jeremy never talks to me again, right now, I feel like as long as I’m able to keep myself sane, as long as I don’t let myself dwell too much in the past, and as long as I’m able to stay in touch with you, maybe I can make it through to college. And who knows what’ll happen there.”

For a long moment, Evan simply stared at Michael before finally saying, “You haven’t even known me that long… How can I have helped you that much?”

Michael chuckled, “I didn’t know the firefighter who broke the window during the fire, but he saved my life. How long you know someone isn’t a good measure of how much of an impact they can have on you.”

Another pause, then, “Why do you think you’re going to be forever alone?”

“Be realistic.” Michael mumbled, rolling his eyes, “I mean, come on. Who would want me? Best I can hope for is a good friend like Jeremy was or like you are. I’m too weird, too out-there, too overprotective, too clingy-”

“So am I going to be forever alone, too?” Evan interrupted in a quiet, broken voice.

Michael stopped, “Wha? Evan, no! Why would you even think that?”

“Because I’m too weird, too out-there, too needy, too anxious, too much trouble-”

“You are not! You’re none of those things!” Michael argued, sitting up suddenly, “You’re kind and compassionate and you care about people and the planet and-”

“Should I get a mirror?” Evan cut in. Again, Michael stopped as Evan sat up, “If I’m not too much of a burden with all of my mess of problems, I don’t see how you could be, either. You’re not, Michael. You’ve been hurt, but you can’t let that pain define your future. My therapist talks about that a lot. She calls it forecasting where you tell yourself something won’t happen, so you don’t try, and then it doesn’t happen because you never gave it a chance to happen, and then you think you were right to not try but in reality, if you had just tried, you might have been able to do it.” Michael sat silently, listening to Evan. There was something odd in his tone, a shift in his voice and even his manner of speech. He wasn’t stuttering, hesitating, or speaking too quickly, nor did he really seem to be overthinking his words. They flowed with a natural confidence Michael hadn’t really thought him capable of, and if he was being honest, he was captivated by just how different this side of Evan was, and he wondered how he’d managed to bring it out. Where it had come from. “But I guess none of that means much coming from me. I do a lot of forecasting, and I’m doing it right now. Be the change you want to see in the world, right? So I guess maybe I can try to lead by example and stop forecasting… And maybe you’ll do the same. Maybe you won’t, but I won’t know if I don’t try.”

He turned his body fully to face Michael, legs crossed under himself as he said, “I don’t buy all that about you somehow being unlovable or whatever. Not because I think I am and I’m making an equivalence, because I’m not going to lie and say I feel that good about myself, but…” Evan’s confidence was beginning to falter, but rather than completely cave under the pressure, he took a deep breath and forced it all out at once in typical word-vomit fashion, “Ireallythinkyou’regreatandwehaven’tknowneachotherlongbut-”

“ _ Evan _ .” Michael interrupted, holding his hands up to try to get the boy to slow down, but Evan shrunk back, completely deflating. The last shred of that brief moment of confidence was gone and he was right back to being the anxious, quivering mess on the verge of a panic attack that Michael had first met. “I told you, I can’t understand you when you talk that fast. I caught like, three words. Slow down and try again.” Evan shook his head in response, and Michael, who genuinely had no idea what he’d been trying to say, frowned, “Evan, please? I really don’t know what you were saying but whatever it was was obviously important to you. If it helps, just… try to simplify it or write it down maybe? You’ve got your laptop there, you can just type it out.”

Evan’s gaze flicked to the laptop, then back to Michael, considering. Finally, he seemed to decide to go for it, and laid down again, opening up a wordpad document and typing out five simple words. “I think I like you.” Michael stared at the screen in confusion and disbelief, not saying a word as he watched the cursor flicker, waiting for further input. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that? He’d barely even  _ met _ Evan and he was still reeling from Jeremy, it was absolutely not a good time to be even considering getting into a relationship, especially a long distance one- Evan was typing again, rapidly, indicating his levels of stress at Michael’s lack of reaction. “I mean I know you still like Jeremy and we just met and it’s stupid and I shouldn’t have said anything and I’m sorry and I hope we can still be friends and I really don’t know what I was thinking because why would you even” He stopped there, yelping when Michael closed the laptop on his fingers. He pulled his hands out of the device and shook them out, looking at Michael with a wounded expression as he did.

“Stop.” Michael said firmly but gently, “Don’t even let your mind go there. You surprised me is all. I mean… We  _ did _ kinda just meet, and yeah, I do still have feelings for Jeremy, but… He hurt me, Evan, more than words can express, more than he’ll ever understand even if he does come around again. Being here with you and being here for you, even if it hasn’t been for long and even if I won’t be here in Rochester for long, has really made me realize that maybe I’m not as worthless as I feel when I think about him now. Maybe there is some value in me and, I mean, sure, I made mistakes in the past, and I’ve been hurt, and I can never go back and erase any of that, but I feel like with you, I’m getting a second chance. I have a chance to not repeat those same mistakes, to prove I can be better. I  _ want _ to be better. I want to be a better person, a better friend, a better man than I was with Jeremy. Maybe if I’d tried a little harder to stop him, maybe if I’d just shown him how much he meant to me, he wouldn’t have done what he had. I’ll never have the chance to find out… But I can’t push you down that same road. That’s part of being better, right?”

He paused, realizing he’d been talking an awful lot without really saying much of anything. He wasn’t fully addressing the elephant in the room, just skirting around it. “I guess what I mean is, I think I like you, too, Evan, but I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to mess up again and end up hurting you or losing you and if that happened, I don’t think I’d ever be able to come back from it again.”

“Forecasting.” Evan said quietly.

Michael smiled slightly, “Well, I guess I’m not really meteorologist material. I’d hate to be one of them with the climate crisis. Can you imagine having to be the one to explain to us commoners why the world is on fire and there’s no fresh water to put it out?”

Evan’s expression, formerly tight with anxiety, softened into a grin, “They have it bad enough being wrong all the time, now imagine them being wrong about more severe weather than rain. Tornadoes that whip up out of nowhere…”

Evan’s voice trailed off and the pair fell into a comfortable silence for a moment before Michael broke it, “I can try, Evan, if you can. I won’t always be this close to you, I’m going to have to go back home, but we have each other’s numbers. We can call, and we can use Discord or Skype or whatever and visit when we can. We don’t live  _ that _ far. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but… We can try.”

Evan perked up, “I really want to.” They sat awkwardly for a moment, both slightly red-faced and evidently waiting for the other to say or do something before Evan finally asked, “Can I, um…?” He leaned in closer toward Michael, who seemed to take the hint. Rather than respond with words, Michael brought a hand up to Evan’s cheek, cupping it lightly as he closed the gap between them, kissing him lightly. It wasn’t like the movies, there were no sparks, nor was there a frantic frenzy to remove clothes. Just a soft, sweet meeting of lips before Michael laid down again, pulling Evan down with him and hugging him close.

“Goodnight, Evangreen.” He said softly, closing his eyes, though he could feel the radiance of Evan’s smile even without looking.

“Goodnight, Mell-anoma”

Michael cracked open an eye at that, “Melanoma?”

“I mean, you may very well have caused someone to get it, leaving the door open with the heat on like that. So irresponsible in the face of global warming. It’s no wonder the ocean is getting so hot with you leaving doors open all the time. It’s all your fault.” Evan teased, and Michael couldn’t help laughing. 

“Hey, if I’m dating an Ent, does that cancel out my footprint? Since, y’know, photosynthesis reduces CO2?” Michael challenged.

Evan rolled his eyes, “Obviously I can’t use photosynthesis in this form.”

The breathing of the boy in his arms was evening out, indicating he was near sleep, when another thought struck Michael, “Hey, Ev?”

“Mmmm?” Evan groaned blearily.

“I guess, if you’re an Ent, that means Jared was wrong. ‘Cause if I’m dating you, wouldn’t that mean  _ I’m _ the one with the tree kink?” A silence fell over them for a moment before they both burst out laughing, holding each other. Through slowly dying fits of giggles, they eventually both managed to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this is just the cutest thing to me. So wholesome. I live for their awkward flirting over dark subjects. Just to clarify, in case it wasn't obvious enough, they were both fully clothed on falling asleep, so nothing sexy happened, just that one little kiss followed by cuddles, nothing more. Neither of them are ready to take that step, though it wasn't explicitly discussed.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeeeeah sorry that was so long. I didn't know how to break it up so that just happened. I know the text conversation is unrealistic in use of grammar but it physically pains me to write text speak so... here we are.
> 
> Update schedule is as follows:  
> Who knows if or when this story will ever get more chapters, see list of incomplete multi-chapter works for details.
> 
> Look, I try my best guys, I really do, but sometimes I lose interest, sometimes I lose motivation, sometimes I just don't really know where I'm going with a story and give up because plotting is hard and I don't find the effort worth it for something that isn't truly my own work and isn't all that popular. I do have several of my own stories in the making (most of which I've also lost inspiration for and am trying so hard to find it again). I have beloved characters of my own that I want to share with the world and I can't be dedicating ALL of my time and energy to fanfictions, it's just unrealistic. Do I plan to continue this? At the moment, yes, I have every intention of doing so, I want to see interactions between Michael and Evan, that's the whole reason I started this fic. I thought it would be a fun little mashup, but plans change and so do interests so don't get too upset if I don't pick it up. I have a little written for the next chapter, but not much, and I might rewrite it because I'm not sure I like how that part's going so far.
> 
> On the topic of original works, shameless self-promotion here, but I'm trying to create a Discord community with some friends (currently the entire population of the server is just my three friends and I) focused on original writing. On it, we'll host writing events, people will be able to plug their works how they please, discuss characters, toss around ideas for input or collaboration, find or give advice and/or inspiration, or just chat with other creative minds about whatever's happening. You don't have to write to join, if you're just interested in learning about what others are doing, possible future reads, or even just want to make some new friends, the doors are open. I've set the following link to never expire, but should you have trouble connecting, feel free to leave a comment and I'll get back to you with a fresh one.
> 
> Link is below:
> 
> https://discord.gg/7tC8v86


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